My Scope

Well, I had my bladder scope today.  I would love to say, "well, that was an experience I hope I never have to have again!", but I have to have another in a month....so oh well.
My doctor is really nice so that helped.  Most of my bladder looked fine (and weird!!!, but cool!), but right where it connects to my urethra is was all red and splotchy.  Unfortunately this is also where the scope was hanging out so every time it touched the bladder wall I yelped in pain.  But that didn't happen too much.  The worst part was the potassium solution he put in my bladder. This is the test they use to confirm Interstitial Cystitis.  If you don't have it, it feels like water.  If you do it hurts like hell.  Literally like salt on an open wound.  Luckily he emptied it after I yelled, "Holy Mother of Pearl!" (like my primary president swearing there?  I'm trying.) so it didn't last long.
So basically he said it's like the lining on that part of my bladder is gone and every time my bladder gets urine in it (ummm all the time), the acids are further damaging the lining.  The good news, it's early stage and he thinks he can cure it in 6 months with a drug called Elmiron-think of it like pepto bismol for the bladder.  The bad news: Elmiron is crazy expensive.  WITH insurance I'm looking at $300 a month.  yeah...we don't have that.
So I don't know what we'll do. Unfortunately, because of this condition I have to pee all the time and can't really go out and get a part time job.  Igloo is thinking of getting another one, but I worry about his health from working that much.  Maybe we just credit card things until we get our tax returns.  You know, the tax returns that were supposed to go toward fixing some things on the car.
To say I feel guilty (and cynical) is an understatement.   I know if it was any one else in the family I would tell them not to worry and we'll deal with it and it isn't their fault. Why doesn't it work when I tell myself that?

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