I had a great weekend. I got to listen to inspired words of spiritual wisdom, celebrate the true meaning of easter (no bunnies were around our Sunday morning), and be with people I love. Then today I just felt blah. My house felt smaller than usual. I'm not sure why, but I think I confused wanting to be better with wanting more. I wanted to have a better routine so I wanted to buy things for that. I wanted a more comfortable, inviting space for my family to eat so I wanted a dining room. I wanted a bigger playroom. I wanted a pantry. I wanted a second car.
My inner Taoist went into hiding and I found myself contemplating the inspired idea of the Buddha, that desire is what causes suffering.
I want good things for my family, but today I don't want to work to get them. I want to snap my fingers and have a beautifully clean and organized home, a finished backyard where every square yeard is producing something, and a life organized enough that I could maybe, just maybe homeschool my kids. I desire nothing bad. But still, that desire is taking me out of the present, out of gratitude, and into suffering.
I'm really good at figuring out what's wrong. It's the "now what?" part I'm feeling stuck on.Labels: small space living