Home Birthing

Here's where I get controversial. Keep in mind I've been up since 3:30 and I told you I get snarky when I'm sick.
I am a fan of home cooking, home improvement, home schooling, and home gardening. But I do not get home birthing. I don't even care about the safety part because a normal healthy pregnancy almost always results in a normal healthy birth. Whatever. Your kid, your choice. The statistics are strongly in your favor so I'm not even going to address that.
I just never seem to hear good home birth story. It's always "magical" and "empowering", like it's an episode of Oprah or something. It's never painful and they always manage to leave out the mess and annoyances.
Seriously, have you had/seen birth before? It's not pretty. There are lots of fluids and there's blood and some of us (not me, I swear) poop while pushing a baby out. Why in the world would you want that on your bed? You have to sleep there still!! I could only mentally be at peace if I had a plastic mattress protector. But have you used one of those? They're loud and obnoxious. I cannot imagine laboring with one of those horrible things underneath me crinkling every time I moved. Plus this is natural childbirth. No one stays in bed for that. We get up and move around and sit on birthing balls and at any moment our water can break and get all over our carpet. Who really wants amniotic fluid in their carpet. And it's not like it happens once. Your body replaces that fluid for your baby so once it breaks you're just leaking all the time. And if you're like me and love to labor in a warm shower/bath you're going to run out of hot water quickly. Then you'll be grumpy.
Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I'm missing something. Perhaps I take for granted that I live in an area with two hospitals that are very natural childbirth friendly and midwives who are the same. Am I just too much of a neat freak who doesn't want to find blood in her carpet/mattress a week later? Even if I have someone else cleaning it up, the idea of the messy part of birth (and WHAT am I supposed to do with the placenta?!?) in my own house stresses me out.
But what do you think?

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