Thursday, January 11, 2007

Major Life Decisions

I feel the same way I did when I broke off an engagement many years ago. As much as I want to convince myself that I really want to be a sociologist, I'm feeling that nauseated "this isn't what you really want" kind of feeling. I hate second-guessing myself. And it hurts. Though not as much as the break up. That sucked.

So I'm back to not knowing what I want. I'm good at school. Really good. I like doing things I'm good at. And that is that part that wants to cry when I think of dropping my class. I sat in my class today and loved it. Not because we were learning about deductive reasoning, but because I was in school. I was discussing and learning. Brain candy. mmmm. But that's it. It could have been any class and I'd feel the same way. That isn't enough to get me through a master's program though. I need passion.

I have a passion: small earth friendly houses. I just don't know what to do with it. I don't even have one yet. But I do have a small home and I know many secrets to making it work. Hubby thinks I should write a book.

It could just be bad timing. Because the timing just doesn't seem to be working this semester.

It's probably just my bad ovary affecting my judgement. It has a tendency to do that, you know.


  1. I don't know what you should do, but I do know that I was also learning about deductive reasoning in class today too. That's kind of neat.

  2. Oh I am the QUEEN of second guessing major decisions. Sometimes minor ones too, though those aren't so *painful* ("I want Cheerios. NO, I maybe want an egg!")

  3. Hey, I say that if you feel it is right to back out now, it's great that you did it so early on, without incurring thousands of dollars of student aid debt!

    Really... have you thought about becoming a homeopathic doctor? Apparently there's a program of sorts at Westminster.

  4. I have so been there too. (Sometimes it seems like every stinkin' semester...) But somehow in all of the frustration and confusion, I always seem to be led where I really should be going, even if I don't know it at the time. Follow your heart. If something feels right or wrong, it's probably because it is.